Awhile back, a woman approached me and said, "My family is in the process of moving out of state. I'm afraid this is going to have a negative impact on my children. We move every five years because of my husband's job. While I understand, I'm worried my children don't. I don't want them looking back on their childhood with regrets."
Boy, could I relate!
My family moved five times in six years, and not just around the corner, either. We moved to different states!
One way my husband and I helped our children adjust to each move was by keeping them in the loop from the moment we realized we were moving.
We all sat around the computer and looked up things to do in the area, we visited tourist information websites and ordered brochures, and we checked out housing and apartment rentals online.
Finally, if the area we were moving to was within a weekend's driving distance, we took a mini-vacation and gave the children a chance to see what the new area looked like...in other words, we built up their anticipation. We made them feel like this move was one big adventure and that with the right mindset, it would be fun!
While our children ultimately had no choice in the moves, we believed that they needed to know their feelings counted and that they still had some control over their lives. Allowing them to window shop for a new place to live helped ease them mind and made the transition of moving to yet, another state less painful.
Another thing we found helpful was allowing them to decorate their rooms; even if that meant buying new bedding when the old bedding was still perfectly good. The act of personalizing their space made living in a new place less frightening. And to help them make new friends, we allowed them to sign up for a new hobby--whether it was playing HeroClix with a group of boys at the local game shop, or taking swimming lessons at the local pool.
Our last move occurred when my son was fourteen years old and entering high school. After arriving to our new home, he requested that we not move again until he graduated from high school so that he could stay in one school and have the best high school experience possible.
We agreed, under the condition that we'd only move if his dad lost his job and was unable to find work in the area.
That agreement really helped him accept and transition into what I hoped would be our very last move. A few days into the move, my son came up to me and said, "If anyone asks where we've lived, I'm going to tell them that I vacationed a year in Tennessee and seven months in Pennsylvania. As far as Wisconsin goes, that was a real home. And New York doesn't count since things didn't work out and we were only there for two weeks."
As for my daughter... Well, she has developed a natural love of maps, traveling, and adventure. She even informed me that moving hasn't been so bad because she "got to see a lot of neat places in person" and it's just a few more spots she gets to mark off her travel itinerary when she grows up.
An adventure...isn't that what moving really is?
A new place to live, a new town to explore, new people to meet and greet, new things to experience, and a new life waiting to be lived...
We have now lived in the same city, in the same state for six years. My son has moved on to college, and my daughter will be graduating from high school next year. And the only regrets they really have is leaving behind some great friends.
I truly believe that if you teach your children to enjoy the adventure, they'll never look back with BIG regrets. And they will know that you did everything you could to make it the best experience possible.
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